Establishing self-love boundaries

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People often ask me, “Who exactly are these women who attend your events and why do they continue to show up?

My simple response is, “The women I work with and support are BOLD women!

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My more involved response is, “The women who attend and fully participate in my events are smart, empowered, and invested in their bold lives. They know what they want, but they do not have all the pieces of the puzzles figured out, yet. Instead of stressing, worrying, or struggling, these women reach out to a community of bold women to get additional help, celebrate what is working, figure out what to do next, and make connections along the way.

For many people, setting aside time to invest in yourself sounds decadent and indulgent.

I agree, it is decadent and indulgent.

Investing in yourself should be rich, deluxe, lavish, and luxurious. Why wouldn’t it be?

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If you are working hard, doing your best, showing up, and fully participating in your life, it demands dedication to creating space to grow, engaging in activities that refuel you, participating in purposeful interactions that stretch you, and joining a community that nurtures your commitment to your bold self.

Last week, I was extremely fortunate to work with a group of movers of shakers who are committed to living a bold life. We met at my friend’s beautiful home, shared a luscious lunch, engaged in lively conversations, discussed our current obstacles, and made commitments to grow our self-love habits.

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We used my Self-Love Playbook for #boldthinkers as a launch point to discuss obstacles that make us feel trapped, isolated, sucky, and perhaps, angry. Although each of us had different obstacles on our list, the common theme permeating the discussion was – not addressing the obstacles that stifle us creates internal conflicts that get in the way of our self-love habits.

We listed our self-love goals and the boundaries we needed to put in place in order to work toward those goals. There was discussion about boundaries being an uncomfortable word because it sounded too exclusive. This was the perfect segue into why boundaries are important to a healthy self-love regimen.

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Being exclusive in how you use your time and what you focus on allows you to limit distractions, keep “shoulds” off your daily task list, resist saying yes when you know it’s a no, and stop making decisions based on your fear of disappointing others at the expense of yourself.

Having exclusive time to nurture your self-love habits that will fuel a bold mindset was one of the major takeaways from the Bold Ladies Lunching event.

Before we ended, each participant was able to create seven self-love tasks they would complete for the upcoming week. There was excitement about honoring these self-love commitments and subtracting obligations that would get in the way of this.

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It was an amazing gift for me to see this group of women so excited about our time together and observing how they challenged themselves to dig deep so they could be bolder.

If you are thinking about being stuck on the island of obligations without a lifeboat, use these steps to do an initial assessment:

List all your current obligations that you hate, hold you hostage, make you feel exhausted, anger you, or you wish you did not have to deal with (e.g. carpool, creating club directory, laundry, budget subcommittee, etc.):

What are you sacrificing or depriving yourself of when you try to handle (take care of) all the obligations you listed (e.g. time to exercise, sessions with my writing group, nights out with friends, lunch with my spouse, my monthly massage, time to just sit, etc.)?

How does this affect your inner dialog and self-worth (e.g. I’m a loser because I can’t manage it all, I am underliving because my priorities are jacked up, I suck because I cannot say no., etc.)?

What boundaries do you need to create in order to edit or revise your list of obligations (e.g. I need to say no to the things that are good but I do not feel like doing, I have to stop volunteering to drive in the carpool each week, I have to stop wanting to help all the time, I need to stop being a martyr, I cannot not sustain this pattern of self-sacrifice; it’s killing me, etc.)?

What self-love habits do you need to put in place in order to honor these boundaries (e.g. I will schedule my workouts and keep that time sacred, I will discuss they household chores with my family and we will commit to doing them, I will join a writing group that meets on Sunday because that is the best day for me, I will not eat lunch at my desk, I will commit to getting together with friends at least 3 times a month, etc.)?

When you think about your self-love habits, what ranking would you give yourself on a scale of 1-to-5 (5 being the highest)? What adjustments do you need to make? What can you let go of in order to make room to tend to these adjustments?

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Would you like to host a Bold Ladies Luncheon, Girls Night In, or retreat event with your friends? Please contact me to learn more.

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