Waiting for your real life to begin

“I want to go to a women’s retreat, but my work life gets in my way. In my dream life, the one in my mind, I will be taking a leisurely vacation with a group of fun people.”

“Is this my actual life? I feel like things need to change, but I keep doing the same things because I do not know how to adjust things.”

“I keep switching jobs because the ones I’ve had do not fit the life I want. Argh! I’m not flaky, but this constant movement is not a good look.”

“My cousin is really living a good life. She is always doing fun stuff. Why can’t my life be like that?”

“Kanesha, I have been meaning to set up some coaching sessions with you, but I’m managing so much. When things settle, I can focus on myself.”

“This adult life is not for punks. When the time is right, I need to start taking better care of myself.”

“It is summer again and I do not want to wear a swimsuit. I told myself a year ago I would not let this happen again. Dammit! When I get it together, I can start to really live.”

When I carefully listen to my clients express their most honest, sincere, and gritty thoughts, I hear:

Everyone has it going on except me.

I want to feel important internally so I can shine externally.

My life is not the way I want it to be.

I still have not figured out this adult thing.

I am waiting for my real life to begin.


The one thing that I say that is compassionate, thought-provoking, and appropriately pushy is:

Making excuses takes the same amount of time as progress.

The reason this statement is impactful and usually snaps my clients out of their pity parties is – it’s true and honest.

Many of the things we worry about only exist in our minds, cause us unnecessary tension, keeps us small, and convinces us we are not deserving.


I encourage my clients to work on nurturing their BOLD mindsets.

A BOLD mindset provides fertile ground to

  • name the things you long for,

  • make mental plans to move forward,

  • effectively combat internal and external frustrations,

  • and put yourself in the top position of your life so you are living a BOLD life right now – and no longer waiting for your real life to begin.


Here are 4 ways to nurture your BOLD mindset:

Believe you deserve to put yourself first.

Instead of thinking: I have so many errands to run today, I will not have time to attend a meet up with fabulous women.

Think and do: I have so many errands to run today, but I need to honor my commitment to myself. I will spend one hour doing errands so I will have enough time to attend the meet up. I deserve to spend time connecting with other people.

Own your unique qualities.

Instead of thinking: I am terrible at organizing community events. I have so many ideas and I never can settle on one. I am the worst at following through.

Think and do: I really want to organize some community events, but I have so many ideas. Lola is great at organizing. I will reach out to her and get the help I need so I can focus. I do not have to do this alone.

Love yourself unconditionally.

Instead of thinking: It is the middle of the year and I have not used all of the punches on my exercise studio card. When will I get myself together and make it to my workouts? I suck.

Think and do: It is the middle of the year and I have not used all of the punches on my exercise studio card. I know I put myself on the back burner, but I’m done doing that. I will not berate myself because that goes against my self-love habits. This week, I will make the commitment to go at least two times.

Decide you deserve to be happy.

Instead of thinking: I will be happy once I have a new job and an organized apartment. Until then, I will grin and bear it.

Think and do: My real life is happening right now and I deserve to be happy. My job is not what I want know, but I will use this in between time to network and figure out my next steps. I think organizing my apartment will help with some of my mental clutter, so I am going to set aside two hours per week to work on organizing.

Are you waiting for your real life to begin? How can you nurture your BOLD mindset in order to start living your real life today?

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2 Responses to Waiting for your real life to begin

  1. Julie W says:

    Each day, I feel like I will change something BIG. I know today a is the day! Then I go to work, repeat all of the behaviors I want to change, come home exhausted … and KNOW tomorrow will be easier. In my mind, I absolutely know I need to begin to shift the minute moments of my day to create my change. I am ready, but I am not doing the work.

    • Kanesha says:

      Staying consistent with doing “the work” is often challenging – for the best of us.
      Try to do one small thing – per day – for one week to make a positive shift. Then add another thing the following week…slow upgrades.

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