4 things BOLD women unlearn

I had some great feedback from last week’s eLetter about unwinding.

“I didn’t realize how wound tight I was until I read this. I feel like I’m punishing myself unnecessarily.”

“I believed unwinding was all about being carefree. You showed me it’s about being caring to myself and not holding on to crap that sucks the life out of me.”

“I get so wound up about fitting in that I wind myself into a tizzy over-analyzing. That stops today.”

“Well, now I know I need to have other unwinding strategies instead of just drinking wine.”

“I really thought staying bundled up kept me in control. Wrong! I need to unwind from the need to be in control. I need to breathe more.”

“Disentanglement! That was the word I needed to read. I’m so tangled up in shit that doesn’t even matter. I’m done.”

 

What I like the most about my Bold Living Today community is, when we get it – we really GET IT!

There is no more hemming and hawing about what thoughts are no longer serving us.

We come out of hiding from our truth and work immediately to get clear and make a positive upgrade.

Self-defeating thoughts and behaviors fall away.

Clarity into what we need and really want push out external barriers that once held us hostage.

Dedicated time to work on ourselves is held sacred so we can do better and feel better.

We get on with our bold plans, big or small, and celebrate any accomplishments along the way.

SelfishSelfLove

Based on the sincere, honest, raw, and telling contributions from these women, it reminded me of 4 key things women need to unlearn:

 

Being selfless makes you a good person

As women, we are socialized to keep the peace and work to make everyone around us happy. Notice the words – around us. I hear friends and clients talk about unwinding from people pleasing so they can stop coming last on their own lists. Being conscious of this is the first step. The next step is to move yourself to the front of your line. Get in the front row of your life so you can take better care of yourself. When you are feeling better, you are able to do better – which benefits anyone around you. Practice some selfish self-love to unwind from self-neglect.

 

Making demands is not ladylike

Women are socialized to ask for permission and be docile. There is myth out there women can get more of what they want if they are passive in their requests. That’s crap. If you want something, ask for it.

Be clear with your language. Don’t say, “I was thinking I should take some time off from volunteering because I’m a bit overwhelmed.

Say, “I’m overwhelmed and I need to take care of myself. I’m stepping down from some volunteer commitments.

When you are clear with yourself, you can be clear with others – especially without over-explaining yourself.

DoItYourWay

Denying your cravings.

I think I was about 10 years old when I learned women needed to deny their cravings and operate under a deficit mindset. I observed the adult women around me talk about not eating what they wanted, not wearing what they wanted, and how if they limited their – food, time, shopping, time out with friends, – and a host of other things, they could have the – body, life, man, home – (and add even more things to the list) they wanted.

I never understood how all that denial would grow anything. It seemed like they were getting rid of some crucial fertilizers of daily life to have this life they wanted – or thought they wanted. It took me a long while to unwind from this way of thinking, but once I did, I felt unstoppable in going for the things I wanted and craved. If you are craving something – listen to it. Figure out why you want it. Go for it!

 

Apologizing for any and everything.

All the apologizing we do as women is out of control. We apologize for being strong, speaking up, being desirable, showing our intelligence, being openly happy, (a bunch of other stuff), and for being women. Let’s all unwind from this.

If we do something wrong – apologize. If we cannot make it to an event that is dull, overwhelming, does not fit our schedule, etc. – do not apologize. Just say NO and be good with that. If people around us do not understand the positive decisions we are making for our lives – and they offer an opinion or question our motives – no need to apologize. Just thank them for looking out for you (or tell them to shut the hell up) and keep it moving.

A wise relative always told me, “If someone does not like or approve of what you are doing, tell them to get to the back of the line.”

 

What are some things, thoughts, or ideas you would like to unlearn? What will be your first step in unwinding from them?

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