Which is better – clarity or getting even?

Welcome to April, Boldthinkers!

It is hard to believe it’s already the fourth month of the year, but I love that April signifies openness, birth, and growth.

When I visualize what this means, I see fresh air, open windows, and lots of sunlight.

In my home, we have been focused on college, scholarships, decluttering, and creativity.

At work, I’ve been working with organizations and groups on decluttering, transitions, strong support structures, and clarity.

In the community, I’ve been focusing on intersectionality, decluttering, resistance, and accessibility.

And you know what?

It’s been completely exhausting.

Meeting deadlines, coming up with pitches, working with various personalities, and keeping my boundaries intact has taken a lot of energy and perseverance.

What’s even more challenging is when you are operating on all cylinders and you feel like you cannot be stretched any further – boom!
It happens.

Something or someone completely derails you. They throw a monkey wrench in your plan. They undermine your process. They throw some doubt dust on your game.

They try to use your power and vision for their gain while whipping their feet on your back.

Has something like this happened to you?

Have you felt the pain, exhaustion, anger, or heartache due to a betrayal?

For me, this was a recent situation.

The incident and exchange were icky, stifling, and messy.

This is the unfortunate reality of being bold, putting yourself out there, extending your talents to other, or using your generosity as a way to connect.

Some people are gracious and lovely through it all. Then there is the opposite – people who get graspy, envious, or become copy cats.

In discussing this with myself, friends, and my mentor – our top takeaways were not to let any of that change you or derail your bold vision.

Don’t let it put a damper on your joy.

Don’t let it dim your light. Don’t let it get the best of you.

If you find yourself in the challenging swirl of someone trying to clip your wings or take advantage of you, use these five steps.

Ask why. When you are seeking clarity and trying to be open in the process – ask why. No long sentence. No complicated monologue. Just ask – why.

Pause the story. When we get set on the story of what happened – instead of how we felt when it happened – we get caught up in the story. The story takes on a life larger than it needs to be, and it’s easy to become distracted from what this was all about. If you find yourself going in that direction, push pause.

Resist the urge to be vindictive. Bold people have strong boundaries and they often don’t hesitate to let others know when those boundaries have been crossed. When you operate from this clear space, you are less likely to focus on revenge. Through it all, you keep the focus on freeing yourself from the conflict space and you close any loose end. Being vindictive only stalls opportunities which can cause unnecessary speed bumps in moving forward.

Include your values in your actions. When we feel hurt, we may lash out because we are in protection mode and our best thinking has gone dormant. When you want to be clear and practice openness, tap into your values. Think about your values as your guideposts to keep you focused on clarity instead of getting even.

Let it go. When you have taken time to talk it out and clear the space – it’s time to let it go.

What have you done when you realize someone has tried, or has fully taken advantage of you? What was the outcome? What would you do differently

Also, keep me posted on your bold plans. Connect with me here.

 

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