6 questions to help you cut away the unimportant

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A brilliant client said to me, “I’m struggling with my success. I’m proud of myself and unable to celebrate.

We continued with the session and what we unearthed was – she was concerned about making other people feel badly because she was winning.

She was worried about haters showing up trying to take her down.

She stressed over no longer being liked because she had made some hard choices that put her in a positive spotlight.

As we continued to explore, she came to this realization: “I’m troubled by some unimportant things!

In my own life and in working with clients – I have seen unimportant things become a roadblock or a derailment of what we really want – or need to be doing.

Unimportant things can show up in many ways.

Some of the most recent ways I’ve seen and experienced unimportant things are:

Using social media as an escape

Binge watching shows when you should be making calls

Signing up for volunteer duties when you should be going to networking events

Registering your kids for additional activities when you should have been registering yourself for a continuing education course

Suffering at a job because you are less than 2 years ways of being invested – when you know deep inside your heart you could do better

Downplaying a huge accomplishment by telling people you got lucky – instead of confidently declaring, “I worked hard as hell for that!”

When unimportant things take center stage, they make us feel small, unworthy, powerless, and shameful.

Unimportant things distract us from delighting in large and small wins.

We get too caught up in external things – which starves our internal desires and the attention we give these desires.

Back to my client…

I encouraged her to collect some data about her life for 7 days. I told her to write a 100-to-200 summary of each interaction she had with someone – when:

It dealt with her career

She had to share her accomplishments

She had to self-promote

She had to protect her time

She had to say “no”

Then she had to use the questions below to look for themes or patterns that would help her identify the unimportant.

What’s in it for me?

Why is this a big or major deal?

Why is this scary?

What is the worst that could happen?

What is the best thing that could happen?

Do I have everything I need to be successful?

The final step was to create a bold blueprint and script to help her push against these unimportant things when (and if) they showed up again.

 

What unimportant things are showing up in your life right now? How is this affecting you? What relief will you feel/experience if these unimportant things were to go away?

 

 

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